A little background. When a hospital is evaluating you for a mechanical heart (LVAD) as a bridge to transplant (get you by until you get a heart). There are a lot of members of that team, all of them essential. Including a Transplant Coordinator and a Social Worker. It is important to know that since hearts are so rare in supply, they only give them to the patients that they feel have the best ability to survive. So, health, age, environment and personal habits come into consideration. I lucky enough fit into being a prime candidate. However, when I asked the social worker what my chances were of getting a new heart if I got divorced and what adamantly told that it would cost me my chances of receiving one. Since I would no longer have a stable environment nor the ability to pay for the procedure and upkeep after (meds average $5000 a month after the transplant so that the body wont reject the heart). However, although my husband made upper middle class wages, we traveled extensively for his job since it was in a specialized field. This wasn't considered a stable home environment as well. In order to receive a new heart you have to live within an hour of the hospital so that when they get a heart you can get there in time to have the surgery. There is usually only a 4 hour window from the time they receive the heart to transplant.
By the time I got out of my marriage, he had me feeling that it was my fault that I had gotten sick. But I did get out of the marriage. Most of the people who know me never realized that this decision was a life or death decision for me. If I got divorced, I would never have the secure home environment and finances that would consider me a good candidate for the social worker or the hospital to consider me a good candidate for a new heart. However, if I didn't get a divorce, the constant stress of my husband acting out, bullying and pushing me around was going to cost me the gains I was slowly making at getting my heart stable. We even tried counseling with a psychologist and domestic abuse classes. The anger just kept getting worse and he blamed me for a lifestyle that we couldn't have anymore. Damned if I do and damned if I don't.
I was a counselor and night and weekend manager at a safe house for abused women and kids in my 20's. The advice I give on here comes from my experiences and the experiences of those I have seen around me. The average woman goes back 8 times to an abusive relationship. I confess I went back 6 times. I filed for divorce January of 2016, but went back and dismissed the divorced after he had found out that he had a daughter neither of us knew about and she had cancer. Call me crazy, and I was, but I felt bad about it. I brought her to Colorado with me and between hospital in Illinois for 3 days on the way, having them do numerous tests to find out why she couldn't hold down food. And working on getting her stable before sending her back to family in South Carolina. Her blood tests came back normal for the first time since the cancer had started by the time she was back home. However, then I realized that it wasn't the right reason to go back into a marriage. As soon as she was gone, his not listening and bullying started up again, then the anger and my fears returned.
My divorce was final 3 months ago. I did get spousal support for a few years. I moved to Wyoming. I am safe in a quiet place within a very friendly town. My heart is completely stable. And I am focusing on a new life. I used to be an audio engineer, however have a few diplomas under my belt. Can't go back to the rigors of engineering in my field so I am considering transferring my credits over and applying to Harvard. I can do most of the classes online here in Wyoming and only have to spend about half a year at the end of it in Massachusetts to finish the degree a couple of years from now. I want to get my Masters in Divinity. Which means – I want to become a minister. To help others who are going through troubles in their life and to use my life experiences to make a difference.
Best wishes. Until next Sunday my friends.