There are many ways to tell if you have outgrown a relationship. One of them is that if you find yourself continually wanting or wishing for more out of your relationship, then you have probably outgrown it.
Do you feel you have less and less in common with this person or group? That your priorities and goals aren't in sync anymore. Do you have different viewpoints than them? Are you no longer satisfied around them? Have you been feeling that you can't just 'be you' around them anymore. Either you can't be happy or content. You feel criticized or judged.
If you picture a positive future for yourself, can you see this person or group in a supportive role in that vision? After spending time with them, do you feel better or worse? Sometimes do you ever find yourself avoiding phonecalls or leaving text messages unanswered.
Each of these feelings can make it difficult to have a strong connection together.
Sometimes it's because you have grown as a person and this other person has become stagnant. This means you have probably outgrown the relationship. Sometimes it is simply a case of feeling as if they are not supportive. That you no longer share the same values. Or the relationship has become stale, dependent, or even manipulative. No matter how positive a person you are - being around negative people will make you negative. Staying connected for the wrong reasons can actually diminish the important health benefits of friendship.
In circumstances like this, here are 3 choices.
1. Stay unhappy or avoid the relationship.
2. Try one more shot at communicating to see if both of you can get in the same page.
3. Move on.
Some people don't like change. Some people make 'fitting in' a priority. Even at the expense of their health and happiness. You don't want to be shunned by the group. Sometimes we judge our choices by what the people around us feel about those choices.
But here is a thought. If you are focused and committed to being a better person, having a better life, even just being happy and more positive about your decisions and outcomes. These positive decisions will attract relationships that are more fulfilling and supportive.
Positive Communication = Connectedness.
By communicating consistently together this creates a healthy environment so that when differences arise, you have a better chance of working through those problems.
You can present them with an opportunity to be a part of what is important to you. So you can both be supportive of each other. Sometimes all it takes is an invitation from you. Just because someone isn't doing something doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want to. So, go ahead and put it out there.
The goal is that sometimes in this relationship with this person, family, or group you will be supporting and encouraging them and at other times they will be doing the same for you. Because if one person is doing all the work and there is no reciprocity - then it is time for a change. Because it is all about happiness. Living a life full of meaning and satisfaction. Becoming your own person and choosing to invest in yourself.
Marianne Williamson has stated, "Sometimes the lesson to be learned is how to hang in there and work things out. Other times, the lesson to be learned is how to exit a situation that doesn't serve."
There us no comfort when you realize that a relationship or friendship has faded and that the bond you used to have has disappeared. It doesn't mean that you don't care about them or that you don't want the best for them. But every person is an individual and we all want different things in life.
You have the courage to try something new and being committed to follow your gut instinct and where it is leading you. Its normal to worry about that decision. Its normal to feel a little sad. That's part of being human. You can't justify staying in a relationship that is detrimental to your growth, health, and happiness 'just because' or because you 'don't want to hurt feelings'. You aren't being disloyal to your relationship or tribe by acting on what elevates and inspires you. You only get one life and you have to be loyal to making the most if it.
"When you are transitioning to a new season in life, the people and situations that no longer fit will fall away." Mandy Hale
Some friends may become friends again at a later date when they have 'caught up' with you and you can see eye-to-eye again.
Some relationships can be "redefined". Such as.
A combative close family member may now become just another relative that you only have limited contact with.
A jealous coworker who you spend time with could now become just another colleague. One who you only talk to limitedly at work.
An overbearing or judgemental friend could become just an acquaintance.
Lastly, some relationships or friendships or group involvements need to be cut off completely. You don't have to create drama to do this. The whole point of this is to eliminate drama from your life.A good example of this is " Toxic Relationships ".
Toxic relationships leave you feeling used, drained, frustrated, unfulfilled, and emotionally empty. This is a result of you continually giving and getting nothing in return.
So, how do you differentiate which relationships are truly toxic.
Toxic people resent your growth. And can even actively criticize you and your decisions, actions, and values. They are judgemental.
Toxic people don't apologize. Because they always make a situation someone else's fault. They don't take responsibility when they hurt you and apologize or try to fix it. They don't see any reason to.
Toxic people are manipulative. Its all about them. They use other people to get what they want and only want you around if you benefit them. As long as they can get you to do what they want you to do for them.
Toxic people focus only on problems. Not on the solutions.
Toxic people take no responsibility for their own emotions. They project their feelings onto you. And when this tactic is pointed out to them, they will defend their position to the end.
Toxic people take no responsibility for anything they do.
Toxic people divert a discussion so that you end up defending yourself rather than discussing the problem. They can't stay on point during a discussion. They remain vague and unspecific to answers when asked questions.
Toxic people make you pick them over others. This tactic is known as 'divide and conquer'. Or they make you pick what they want over what you want. Making you prove yourself to them.
Toxic people are unpredictable. They can change their attitude, behavior, values, and even their perspective (doing a 180) to get what they want. They can even become suddenly kind to you if they want something from you.
Toxic people can't show true supportive care for you. They aren't interested in your well-being or in what's important to you. Loyalty is foreign to them. They cannot be caring unless manipulating you.
Toxic people play the victim. They want you to feel sorry for them and try to make you feel responsible for what happens to them. They always need you to fix them and their problems. But their problems are never solved. You fix one and another just pops right up. They create one drama after another. So, don't let a toxic relationship drag out too long.
When ending a relationship. Try not to cause yourself any unnecessary drama. You don't have to state out loud that you are ending the relationship. You can slowly pull away, and the other person should mirror that transition.
If that doesn't work, weigh your words carefully when ending it. Make the break up about you and your needs, not about their bad habits and wrong doings. Don't fall into the blame game. Unfriend them on social media and block if necessary. Block on your phone and email. The ethical thing to do is to just walk away without drama.
Don't feel bad about doing it. Don't feel guilty. Don't worry about what other people might say. Don't feel the need to explain yourself. Don't allow yourself to dwell on negative emotions or thoughts about the relationship. Be unwavering and committed to yourself. Its not your job to change other people.
You have a responsibility to yourself, your health, happiness, goals, prosperity, and self awareness. You will find new relationships that are supportive, like minded, and embody your values and goals.
Until next Sunday my friends. Best of wishes to you.