Our news and interest pieces were mostly resourced off of the news feeds that would come directly into the radio stations that I interned at. We would take those stories and either fit them directly into our programing (news) or rewrite them to fit our audience (interest).
No one has ever asked me on this blog where I get my information. I just thought I would insert a tidbit for those who might be interested. In journalism it is a responsibility that before you write and print an article you have information from at least 2 credible and (if needed) quotable sources. I try to have more than that on information posts here on twilight twinkle as blogging is now the new journalism. Anyway, on to our topic for the week.
Mindset (noun) “the established set of attitudes held by someone”
Also known better as, “way of thinking”, “frame of mind”, “mental outlook”, or “ point of view”
So, what if I told you that a Stanford psychologist (Carol Dweck) has done numerous studies that puts all of us into one of 2 mindsets. Yep, we are either (a) fixed-mindset or (b) growth-mindset.
In a Fixed-Mindset:
The people who believe that their basic abilities, talents and intelligence are fixed, unchangeable traits and that you are born with a certain amount of each and that is all you have. Since they feel like their abilities are per-determined they are more likely to avoid risk or challenge because it is uncomfortable and will devalue effort.
With a belief that your qualities are carved in stone – only having a certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality, a certain moral character – then you had better prove that you have healthy dose of those attributes. To let others know that you don't look or feel deficient in those things. This creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over again.
In the world of fixed characteristics and traits – success is about proving you are smart or talented. Validating yourself. And failure is about having a setback which to you would mean that you aren't smart or talented. Because if you were, you wouldn't have to try or put out effort. It would come naturally. People with a fixed mindset see that effort is a marker of inadequacy and would reveal to others that they come up short in some way.
This is because you feel and believe that you are who you are and you cannot change. So, when you are challenged or if a situation appears to you that it is more than you can handle it makes you feel overwhelmed and hopeless. They feel that success is an affirmation of inherent intelligence. Striving always for success and avoiding failure at all cost is to maintain a sense of being smart or skilled.
Fixed mindset individuals believe that talent alone leads to success and that effort is not (or should not) be required. They document their talents and intelligence, rather than working to improve and develop them. They always want to appear intelligent, because they believe that they have a fixed level of intelligence that cannot be modified. Fearing looking dumb to others, because they do not want other people to think that they are unintelligent.
In a Growth-mindset:
These people believe that with effort, learning and persistence, their abilities and intelligence can be developed. And that their basic abilities are just a starting point. They believe that everyone can become smarter if they try and put in effort to realize their potential. That their effort has an effect on their success. So all it takes is a little extra time, effort and learning to lead to a higher achievement.
They see a value in challenging themselves and focus on development. These people know that they are going to have failures at times, however, that doesn't mean that you won't see a positive result if you keep working at it. Those results keep you motivated and empowers you. Growth mindset individuals are able to overcome their fears because they know that anxiety and fear are very paralyzing emotions. They know that the best way to overcome this is to take action.
They know that there will never be an absolutely perfect moment to take action and move forward, so why wait for one. When results and empowerment are waiting on the other side of your effort. Taking action during fear and worry morphs all that emotion into positive and focused energy. This is very Personally Empowering.
A growth-mindset person doesn't see failure as an evidence of unintelligence, but as an opportunity to stretch your abilities and grow into new success. It is about stretching yourself and developing yourself to learn something new. Effort is what makes you smart or talented.
A “growth mindset” creates a passion for learning and evolving. A “fixed mindset” creates an hunger for approval.
In a fixed mindset, every situation calls for a confirmation of who they are – their personality, their intelligence or their character. You constantly feel the need to prove yourself. Their is a fear of whether you will succeed or fail. Being accepted or rejected. Smart or dumb. Winner or looser.
“Some people see the thing they want, and some people see the thing that prevents them from getting what they want.” Simon Sinek.
What if I told you that no matter what your IQ is, it is your attitude that actually determines whether you are successful, established and financially secure. People with a growth mindset who have a lower IQ can actually out perform those with a fixed mindset with a higher IQ, because they embrace the challenges as opportunities to learn something new. And with that empowering attitude they succeed or continue to strive to succeed until they see the positive result they were expecting.
Everyone has control over their attitude and way of thinking. Everyone can change their mindset if they really feel that there is a benefit to that change. If they believe that they can become a better person, have a better financial situation, a better love relationship.
The deciding factor is how well you handle setbacks and challenges and if you can see those not as failures or a gauge on how intelligent you are but as an opportunity to be more successful than if you didn't even try.
True success – financially and in love are in believing that you can overcome a challenge, no matter how much effort. And that the effort is merely an investment in that success, not a waste of time.
Let's take a look at these mind-sets in relationships. What does it mean for love.
Fixed-mindset in love:
These people expect an ideal mate. They want their mate to put them on a pedestal and treat them like the god that they feel they are. Their expectations are of an perfect, instant, ideal compatibility where the relationship is “meant to be”.
Their ideal is the manifestation of the toxic cultural myth about “true love”. The myth of perfection and that everything is going to happen automatically and be perfect without any work or effort on their part. Some believe that a perfect mate will be able to read their mind or they will finish each others sentences.
These people feel that if there is even the slightest disagreement in opinions or preferences that their partner is flawed in some way. They feel threatened and hostile after even minor disagreements. When they talk about their disagreements or conflicts they automatically assign blame. They complain.
They assign blame to – a character flaw of the person. Either themselves or their partner. Then when they see a partner's personality as the problem through this blame, they feel anger and disgust toward their mate.
Once they see flaws in the other person, they become contemptuous towards them. Then they become dissatisfied with the relationship as a whole. Seeing a setback as a final negative sentencing.
And when they make personal mistakes in a relationship they ignore them and refuse to admit the mistake because by doing that they feel like it is an attack on their self-worth. This makes them bound to repeat the mistakes over and over because they avoid dealing with them.
They use a constant system of weights and balance of judgment and evaluation in every situation. Using every piece of information as evidence that you are either a good person or a bad person. A good mate or bad mate. Judging through gathering information whether their mate is selfish or not. Also whether they are better than their partner or not.
Success to them is about establishing their superiority and intellect, pure and simple. That they are better than the nobodies or better than a mate or potential (what they see as) enemy.
Growth-mindset in love:
These people believe that love and friendship can be cultivated through effort and deliberate practice for success. They prefer a partner who will encourage them to try new things, to learn and to become a better person. They know that a loving mate will recognize their faults and will lovingly help improve them.
A growth mindset individual can acknowledge a mate's imperfections, not assign any blame, and still feel that they have a lasting and fulfilling relationship. They don't see conflicts as a flaw in a partners personality or character, but, as a problem in communication. They also have these viewpoints in their friendships and relationships with their parents and grandparents.
When they see their partners differences that doesn't make them feel threatened. They learn to deal with the differences. Seeing that as an opportunity to grow closer together and have a stronger relationship. This makes both people feel unjudged, like they are on the same side.
They work to help each other solve their problems, in the relationship and in other areas of their lives. Then an atmosphere or trust can begin to grow, as they become more and more interested in the well being and personal development of each other.
Our Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck states, “Just as there are no great achievements without setbacks, there are no great relationships without conflicts and problems along the way.” “The growth mindset says all of these things can be developed. All – you, your partner, and the relationship – are capable of growth and change.”
Everyone can change and grow through effort, application, time and experience.
We are going to talk more about this next week.
Here are a few links to click on if you wish to test yourself to see which of the two mindset's you are. I have taken both of the online tests and have placed my result's in parenthesis under the button's. The last button is a downloadable worksheet that you can print off and do to get your result.